I cockslap morals
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
