you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
