So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
