Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
