is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
