Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
