There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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