I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
