There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
