I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
