Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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