Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
