how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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