That's when you crack a 10am beer
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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