we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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