dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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