White coat. Heels.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
