I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
