I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
