I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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