listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Is it penis luge time yet?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
