My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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