I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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