I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
