So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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