So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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