His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
