why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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