I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
