I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
