so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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