Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
