I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Randomize
