Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
