The maid of honor just puked.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
