She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
