I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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