Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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