Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
