Can Purell be used as lube?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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