but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
