Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
