I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
