and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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