I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
