You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
