As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think I just sharted jello shots
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