ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
