Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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