I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So many bounce houses so little time
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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