never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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