there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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