I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
