so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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